Mark the Spot

I am thinking lately about significant events...
moments of re-alignment
moments of awakening
and the ways in which I honor turning points

There was a day
in November, the evening before I turned 30-
I went into the woods of Maine
and I returned
different

By different,
I mean
alive
and by alive
I mean
no longer able
to fit myself into a container
no longer able
to do whatever I thought I was supposed to be doing
like
saving
anyone
but
myself

By different,
I mean
I had to acknowledge the hunger
in my own life
and dare to listen
even more deeply

I left Maine
in the spirit of
shedding
and preparing
to carefully
leave
my last protective
shell:
a comfortable job
that paid my bills
but emptied my heart.

The only way I know I was empty is that I now feel full. And I was empty, mainly, because of a damaged system of "care," one in which I could no longer agree to participate in. (I am trying to say that I cared deeply for the people I worked with). And that...is another topic.

"It would be far better to simply admit our spiritual poverty...When spirit becomes heavy, it turns to water...Therefore the way of the soul...leads to water." (Jung)